You've Woken Up The Demon In Me
by Fire Lord Azula
Summary: After the brutal slaughter of a horde of bandits, InuYasha feels immediate guilt. During the slaughter... well, that's a different story. See it from a hanyouturnedyoukai's eyes.


I wanted to do a first-person point-of-view of InuYasha when his youkai blood takes over. I've always found it a fascinating form. I hope it turned out okay.

This 'fic is rated PG because nothing but violence warrants the rating. It's not especially gory, but I wanted to be on the safe side.

Enough said… on with the show!

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The bandits were nothing. A single swipe and they all fell, their bodies reduced to bloody ribbons. I rose from my crouch to feel an ominous aura whip my hair about. My new youki…

I could feel the empowering blood rush throughout my entire being. It crescendoed in my ears; the very sound driving me insane with bloodlust. I heard the growl that was not my own as it rumbled through my throat… and turned my head to glare with heated eyes at my next victim.

It was the moth youkai; the impudent fool who had imprisoned me in his filthy cocoon… poisoned me beforehand… and caused the killer in me to awaken in the first place. Yes… he was at fault. His transformation into his true form -- that of a gigantic moth -- was laughable to me.

"As a hanyou… do you think you can defeat me, the great youkai, Lord Gatenmaru?"

I felt an elongated fang drape over the corner of my mouth as I smirked. Hmph. I was no longer a hanyou. What was he babbling about?

"Eat this, you brat!"

He took to the sky. The flapping of his wings clashed with my youki, swirling the air about me. I was able to stand with little trouble, even as the two energies manifested themselves into a vortex… a tornado, if you will. I was now engulfed and seemingly helpless in his eyes.

I caught a glimpse of his surprise as I burst through the vortex and landed a well-executed slash to one of his oversized wings, felling him. I, too, landed, to stand perfectly on my feet in front of him. He paused, almost as if reading something from within me. Ah… he could smell it. I saw the flash of fear in his eyes. He had caught the scent of my youkai blood.

I continued to stand there, doing nothing more than gazing up at him as he lifted his head to spew that wretched silk at me. Enough was enough. That silk irritated my nose, and I leapt away just in the nick of time.

"Did he melt? He was such a noisy guy… for a hanyou." He was gloating.

…The fool.

"Did you say something?"

The voice… was it my own? I suppose it was. So sharp and primal… did it fill him with fear? I remember his mouth dropping open to draw in his last breath.

"You worthless TRASH!"

All it took was one swipe of my claws to rip him to shreds. So much for "Lord" Gatenmaru. Pitiful excuse for a youkai.

As soon as my feet touched the ground, I heard whimpering from behind me. More bandits? Hadn't I killed all of them already? Hn… this would be fun.

"Do you think I'll let you get away?" My youki stirred restlessly. I wasn't about to let my new prey escape.

Dozens upon dozens met their deaths as I swept my claws through weak human flesh. The ones who took to their horses were no better off, as both man and beast fell to my fury. Crimson liquid showered the ground and my clothing. The sight alone was enough to fuel my rampage.

The last group of bandits tried to flee on foot. Imagine their surprise when I jumped in front of them to block their path…

They mumbled something about "following the boss's orders". Hah. Like any of that mattered to me. Another voice joined their pleas…

"That's enough, InuYasha!…"

…but I was heedless to it. The stench of fresh blood wafted to my nose. I felt my fingers bend inward as if by reflex, testing the pull of the ligaments that bound them. So strong… everything about me was so strong.

It was time again. The urge to kill returned with such ferocity that I was rendered temporarily deaf to the calls.

"Take Tessaiga! Return to your former self, InuYasha!!"

Was it Kagome? I could barely place the name in my mind…

I felt a snap; a pull to my left. A familiar youki… that of my brother, Sesshoumaru. He had just arrived. Why? To marvel at my power?

"Come on, InuYasha. Show me how strong your transformed self is."

Something in his voice angered me. His apathy… his smug demand. I couldn't sense the fear -- the helplessness -- akin to the bandits. His lack of fear rekindled the rage from within, replacing the shock of seeing him.

His face was blank as he drew his sword, Toukijin. Holding it up to meet my charge, a sudden wave of searing air collided with me. I couldn't get close to him. I was suspended in the air with no way down or toward him. It was then I decided... the sword had to go. I pulled my clawed hand into a fist and bashed it against the blade's surface. It collapsed to the side. Normally, I would have chuckled when his face showed emotion -- disbelief at what I had just done. But such a feeling was lost to me... all I wanted to do was _kill_, _kill_, _kill_.

I felt myself touch down in a crouching position, my left arm bursting with blood from numerous cuts. Apparently, the sword's power had done more than keep me airborne. It actually lashed out at me as I struck it.

"Hmph, a useless act."

Was he mocking me? I wouldn't stand for it! Ignoring my wounds, I pounced at him with outstretched claws, only to imbed them in solid dirt… was he really that fast? I spun around for another assault... just in time for him to throw me back with a burst of power from Toukijin. I pressed all my weight on my heels, coming to a temporary halt, only to spring forward once more. Afflictions of great depth covered my body now, and I felt the blood spray forth with every step I took.

Sesshoumaru was more mobile than I ever gave him credit for. He was able to dodge every slash I threw at him while remaining completely impassive. I was beginning to tire slightly from the loss of blood, but I kept coming at him, even when he leapt a distance away to mock me again.

"Know your place! InuYasha… a hanyou should act like a hanyou and lick the ground!"

My final offensive was a failure. The sword emitted a blinding light as our youki collided. Seconds passed painfully slow, and I felt myself being blown back countless feet to hit the ground with force. I didn't move… couldn't move. When the dust had cleared, I could smell my brother's closeness. Was he going to finish me off?

…I suppose not, as I had blacked out. When I finally awoke, the overpowering youkai blood of mine receded, and I was once again a hanyou. My friends had surrounded me at some point, and Sesshoumaru was nowhere to be found.

I grasped for something to steady me. Kagome took my mangled arm in her hand. Had she… seen what I had done? …What did she think of me now? Did any of them… trust me anymore?

Could I even trust myself?…

"Did I do this?" I dreaded hearing the answer from someone else, even though the truth was engraved in the back of my mind. I did. It was best that I didn't remember doing the act, but the amnesia between transformations could not erase the damage I'd done to humankind.

One glance at my claws would tell me everything I needed to know… if I dared to look. At the time, I wasn't thinking about how much the fools deserved it. No… it didn't matter. They were alive, and that was reason enough for me to take their lives. But, as a hanyou, I could never bring myself to kill a human, no matter how much they deserved it.

No one answered. I figured they wouldn't. But I knew the grim reality without anyone saying a word.

"My claws… are soaked in their blood." I slowly -- painfully? -- lifted my hand to my face to examine the crimson stains.

"InuYasha… in order to save everyone, you attacked them with your claws." Ah, Kagome… I know you wanted to make me feel better, but…

I felt a sharp ache, but not from my wounds. Inner conflict. Everything I had yearned for… was nothing but a nightmare. If I had known ahead of time that things would be like this…

I recalled the boy from earlier; his words of blind admiration and faith stung me. It was _wrong_… I was just cutting up humans. The youkai that I had become… the power that I had wanted… _this wasn't it!_

…I made a silent vow that day. I wouldn't reveal it to another soul; not even Kagome. When the time is right, they will know… that I will never use the Shikon no Tama to become the youkai that instills fear in my own heart.


End file.
